it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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