Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
