If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
