I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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