Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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