Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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