I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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