i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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