Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
