My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
