If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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