i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
