I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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