truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
