No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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