When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
