I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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