I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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