there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
