Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
