After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
