he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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