dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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