Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize