I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
