i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
