Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
