the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you mean i was at the winter classic?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize