I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
