mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
