do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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