So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
