I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
