tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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