You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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