I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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