oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
