I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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