This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
