i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
