I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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