Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize