she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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