cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize