I got chris browned last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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