the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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