god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
