i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
