why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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