I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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