put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
