You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i think i just lost a toe
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
