We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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