Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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