Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
