My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is my gift to your gina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
