Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
