how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my poor anus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
