So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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