It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
