she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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