sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it fun? or sober?
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