3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
