My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
