i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize