He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
