I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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