We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
