Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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