Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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