just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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