In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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