so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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