shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
