how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
