Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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