how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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